


But we could be

by yersifanel



Series: This is ourselves [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dimension Travel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hopeful Ending, League of Assassins Barry, M/M, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 06:31:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5733040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yersifanel/pseuds/yersifanel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a universe where Barry died and Oliver gave up his soul to bring him back to his side, becoming Al Sah-him in the process. Now Barry holds the pieces of their souls together, looking for a way to bring the light back into their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But we could be

**Author's Note:**

> Companion story for "Long Overdue". Here's some retrospective in Barth's story and his Oliver. 
> 
> I apologize in advance for any mistakes you may find. English is not my mother language and this story is unbetaed. If anyone is interested in helping me out, please let me know.
> 
> Also, I happen to like David Bowie (Bless his soul. He will be missed.)

The world is always ending for someone.

There are as many people as there are stars in the sky; shinning, singing, living and dying. Across the distance, the course of life continues, but for someone, some way or another, the world is always ending.

Barry Allen's world has been ending for a while now, but he refuses to let it reach its overture, hanging to the vestiges with tooth and nail, no matter what, and he would die twice over before surrendering. He already lost everything once, after all.

"Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact," his voice was a rip over the silence, like a stone falling over calm water, somehow out of place but no less shooting in his song, "Yes we're lovers, and that is that."

His steps were almost soundless as he draws and loads the bow, aiming into the night, "Though nothing, will keep us together..." he licked his lips, narrowing his eyes, "We could steal time, just for one day."

The arrow flew with a hiss, reaching its target with excellent precision, no more than a short pained grunt in the night.

"We can be heroes, forever and ever..." he skipped a step, running to his fallen target and retrieving his arrow, looking at the man behind him with an almost childish grin, "What'd you say?"

Al Sah-him's feature softened very slightly, letting Barry see Oliver for a second before walking to him, offering him his hand to stand up, "You should correct that habit of yours, serenade your targets before the kill is not good for stealth."

Barry liked his lips, fidgeting with the arrow before taking to offering hand, not letting go once he was on his feet again, "I wasn't singing for him."

"I know."

The grip over his hand tightens for a moment and Barry sighs after he lets go, feeling empty.

\----------

_"I'm Barry Allen. I'm from the Central City police department. I'm with the crime scene investigation unit."_

_He's so young… Oliver's first thought upon meeting him will always echo in his head._

_At the time, his eyes followed him around the place, as the young CSI pointed out the reasons for his conclusion of the crime scene. He felt something warm in his chest while seeing him smiling to Felicity in that shy and awkward way of his, and felt proud of himself when the young man flushed red upon noticing Oliver's eyes on him. There was something there, something he liked and was reluctant to admit, something Barry unknowingly brought to his life._

_It was never his plan to make Barry part of his life, and he did everything in his power to keep himself at bay of the younger man, but not enough to completely push him away._

_When Barry saved his life, he was too preoccupied with the consequences of the young man knowing his secret to be properly grateful for him saving him. Everyone thought he was angry because another person knew his secret, that perhaps he thought Barry could betray him when in reality he was concerned for Barry's safety._

_No matter the circumstances, there was no going back; Barry was another element in his life now, one that could bring him joy and could be used against him as well. But the human and perhaps selfish part of him didn't regret it. He was glad Barry came into his life, crashing his world with light._

_He wore the mask Barry made for him every day afterwards and secretly visited the young man as he lay sleeping, after life messed up with them with a literal lighting strike._

_Oliver didn't expect Barry to come back to him, much less as the impossible that he became, but he was glad when he did so._

_"So why come to me? Something tells me you didn't just run 600 miles to say hi to a friend."_

_Barry was light; he could be a hero, a guardian, a savior... Olive told him this with no hesitation because he believed it, and his words helped to set a course for the younger man._

_He wanted to reach for him, get closer, but he didn't, opting to keep his distance once again._

_That was, perhaps, one of his greatest regrets._

\----------

Nyssa wasn't repentant of her actions, but in moments like this she couldn't help but wonder if one day she will be.

"I... I wish you could swim... Like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim," he was singing again, his voice low and his thoughts on the bracelet he was making, one string after another, over and around. "Though nothing, nothing will keep us together..."

With an expert move she dodged the man's blade, pushing him to the ground with her shoulder while the young man with green eyes kept singing, his concentration in the string he was tying and turning, giving shape to the ornament.

She turned around, tossing the blade towards him in her annoyance. Barry waved his hand, using his power to bend reality and the blade was embedded in the tree trunk behind him, he didn’t even look up.

"We can beat them, forever and ever..."

"You should spar with me," Nyssa's voice was collected and calm, her expression not giving away the spark of turmoil she always felt when Barry – no, not Barry but Nur-Taemia – was around her.

"So eager, warrior number 14 is not good enough for you today?" lifting his head, his eyes shifted towards hers and Nyssa suppressed the urge to look away from the universe dancing in the green orbs staring at her, "Okay."

Looking into his eyes was something Nyssa disliked, but sparing with him was something akin to a delight. He moved with a grace no assassin should have, as if he were dancing to some music only he could hear.

Nyssa was not one to take credit for something she didn't do. Nur-Taemia was not her doing, that was all Oliver, or more accurate, Al Sah-him. But she couldn't stop the smile on her face beneath the mask while watching the young man fight, after all it was her hand that made this possible, that made him possible.

Her will to love Sara’s memory had a price, one she paid with selfish but firm conviction. It took her blade though Barry Allen's heart and Oliver's soul.

"Oh we can be heroes..." She ignored the soft singsong, darting forward with her blade as Barry dodged, danced, around her. "Just for one day..."

Pain exploded in the back of her head, white-hot and drowning but not unexpected. She fell to her knees and Barry's blade brushed her neck, the fine edge made a small cut and the blood ran down her collar.

"Well done," she acknowledged, waiting for him to move. A few seconds went in silence, but in the end he retrieved his blade, taking a few steps back.

She looked over her shoulder, finding confusion on his face, his looking for someone who was not there. Nyssa stood, ignoring the small wound as she walked over him, taking the sword away and making him look into her eyes. The universe was not dancing behind his orbs this time.

"I feel cold," he mumbled with an expression of clear distaste on his face.

"Let's go back," she announced, unnecessarily as three men were approaching, no doubt to collect the young man and bring him back to Oliver.

She knew no freedom; her life belongs to the League. But she paid the price to kept herself from being the wife of the demon, giving them an eternal light instead.

Nyssa would never regret that.

\----------

_He didn't believe Oliver was dead until he saw the blood stains in the snow, and Barry was sure something broke inside him that day._

_It wasn't easy to get the location were Oliver's duel had taken place, but he had to see for himself, even thinking he believed Felicity's words and details of the tragedy – sweet Felicity who knew, perhaps from the start, how important Oliver was for him._

_Barry wandered in the white, frost scenery until he lost track of time, his whole body numb with cold and the lost sinking into his mind. There was no sound in his ears and no thoughts in his head, just the endless cold and the pain in his chest._

_He should go back, he knew he should. But he was too numb and too hurt, so he lay on the snow and closed his eyes._

_A warm hand on his face, a soft touch and a familiar voice brought him back to consciousness. Slowly, he blinked away the frost from his eyelashes, finding blue eyes staring at him, it was impossible, but so was Barry himself, so instead of arguing the 'how' he simple reached for the moment._

_Oliver smiled at him, "You are an idiot," he said, but there was no heat behind it, weirdly enough it felt like affection, "Come on, let's get out of here."_

_Barry confessed and it didn't hurt when Oliver didn't reciprocate. He wasn't rejected, not really. Oliver was keeping him at bay, tying to kept him safe. He should have known better, that restricting his feelings for Barry would do him no good, that it wouldn't save Barry or himself._

_Oliver believed Barry is someone he cannot have._

_Barry fully disagree with him._

\----------

His days as Ra's al Ghul were coming to an end, but he had an heir. Al Sah-him was, perhaps, not what he expected – He was even more.

Nyssa's defiance, her struggle and battle to not be Oliver's bride was only part of what lead them here, among his actions and plans.

He was sure Thea Queen's only chance to live would be enough to bring Oliver to the League, but it was Barry Allen's life what tied him completely to it, what truly made him banish Oliver Queen and be Al Sah-him.

After all, it was Oliver Queen's soul what held Barry Allen's shatter one together, making both someone else... something else.

Al Sah-him refused to marry Nyssa, finding it unnecessary and a waste of his time, after all, he had an embodiment of light right before him, he could do anything with the power the Lazarus' Pit gave Barry Allen, who now was forever tied to Al Sah-him.

Ra's al Ghul first instinct was to claim another defiance from Oliver in this action, but one look at the resurrected Barry Allen was enough to dispel his protest.

He was so bright, so blinding.

"And the guns, shot above our heads..."

Ra's al Ghul observed Nur-Taemia, sitting by the Lazarus' pit, dipping his cut fingers in the water, washing away the blood from his hands. The young man was smiling, watching Al Sah-him under the surface as he sang.

"And we kissed, as though nothing could fall..."

The young man licked his lips, lifting his head to encounter Ra's al Ghul eyes on him. A childish giggle escape from his chest, retrieving his finger from the water and liking them clean.

"How long has he been under?" he asked, his gaze fixed on the light before him, the power sealed within the body of a young man with two souls.

"Long enough," Nur-Taemia whispered and gently reached for Al Sah-him's hand, making him break the water.

There was no Oliver in those eyes, only his heir.

Ra's al Ghul was pleased.

\----------

_"No, no, no, no, no, stay with me Barry, Barry!"_

_He had never heard Oliver sound so scared before, so desperate... That how he knew condition was pretty bad; His mouth tasted like coper and his whole body felt so cold, he have never been this cold before, not even in the mountain when he was looking for Oliver._

_"O-Ollie..."_

_"Shss... don't talk, everything will be fine, just stay awake Barry."_

_"I-I..." he was so tired and his chest... the pain was terrible and Oliver had not removed the blade to not aggravate the wound, not even his healing could help him right now, the wound was too deep, the blade was still in his chest and the cold... the cold was the worst of it all._

_There were voices around him and he was being gently lifted in Oliver's arms, who was taking to someone, shouting, demanding, accusing... he couldn't understand what Oliver was saying, but his tone was so angry, so... afraid of losing him. Regardless of the pain, Barry smiled._

_"I-I love you..." his voice was nothing more than a broken whisper, but Oliver's hold on him tightened and he knew the older man heard him._

_Everything around him was blending together in an incoherent blur of people, images and sounds. But Oliver was holding him and even if the cold had all but paralyzed him, Barry wasn't afraid._

_"I won't lose you." Oliver's voice was the only thing making sense around him, his warm keeping him together, even after he was all but blind and breathing hurt too much. "I refuse to lose you."_

_After that everything was silence and he wasn't cold anymore._

_He let go._

\----------

"Why do you like that song so much?"

Felicity's hand combed his hair softly as she arranged the tips, the soothing sound of scissors gently going over his overgrown bangs as David bowie's Heroes played in the background.

"Oh, it reminds me of him and me," he said with a lazy smile. "I think he hates it by now."

She smiled, brushing her fingers over his face, "Nah, he can't ever hate anything you do."

"Why are you so sure?"

She moved around him, kneeling in front of him, taking his face on her hands, "You know why."

He reached for her, his lower lip trembling. She held him tight in her arms, something he needed so much right now.

"I miss him Felicity... I really miss him."

She just nodded, tucking his head under her chin, "I know Barry... I know." Felicity rested her palm over his chest, looking at him in the eye, firm and strong - She was always strong, even now. "He's right here and we will make sure he comes back."

"Y-Yes."

They didn't know how, but as long as Oliver's soul was in him, the chance of him fully coming back was real.

He had to hold onto that hope in order to live another day.

\----------

_Darkness and cold surrounded him. It clings to him, suffocated him, and piece by piece shatters him._

_"Barry!"_

_He was in a place and time was non existing, it was only eternity. He couldn't speak, he couldn't see, but he could feel and hear... and it was terrible._

_"I'm sorry Oliver, his soul is all over the place, whatever they did to him, it destroyed him."_

_"Tell me how to fix it!" there was desperation in his voice, "Please John, I'll do anything."_

_"That's not how it works, mate..."_

_He was not there, not really, but he somehow knew what was happening._

_"Perhaps I could be of assistance," a female voice, he knew it, it was his killer._

_"Get away from him before I kill you, and I will kill you, make no mistake!"_

_No, no, please Oliver, don't._

_"Use this ritual, the pit won't be enough."_

_Suddenly he was afraid, not for him but for Oliver._

_"Oliver, this is very dark magic," it was the demon hunter talking, "If you do this, there's no going back."_

_"I can't lose him John, I can't."_

_"This is more than sacrificing dozens of lives Oliver, this is pure darkness we're talking about, yours, his and the one around us—"_

_"I don't care!"_

_Silence._

_"There's another way... you're not gonna like it."_

_"So be it."_

_Hesitation, resistance and grief._

_"Damn it, Oliver."_

\----------

Fire dance before his eyes as his hand waved the heat of the supernatural flame, Constantine smirked.

"Time's up, mate."

At his side, Barry stood in full uniform, his bow aimed at the demon before them as it hissing a dark tongue and spitting literal venom.

"He's really angry," Barry shoot several arrows, hitting the demon in the chest, but it only delayed him, "And I think I just made it angrier."

Constantine took one of Barry's arrows, chanting something while holding the tip in one hand, his eyes went white and his voice rumble in a double tone as Barry watched him. Constantine opened his hand, giving the arrow to Barry, who immediately draw it, aiming to the creature as Constantine kept chanting.

Barry closed his eyes, releasing the arrow and Constantine's voice guide it, hitting the demon between the eyes, killing the vessel and sending the creature back to where it belongs.

"Good job kid," the demon hunter praised, lighting a cigarette.

Constantine was particularly fond of Barry, so much that he constantly checked on him. He knew Barry was struggling with his situation and the hellblazer wished he could do more.

"I found some interesting spells and rituals the other day," he said casually, "I might have a lead in our little research."

Barry looked, his eyes slightly wide, "You think is possible?"

"In theory, but—"

"Of course there's a but," Barry mumble, making John roll his eyes.

"I'm trying really hard here kid, your situation is not exactly normal, even for me."

Barry made an expression very close to a pout and Constantine chuckled in response, punching him lightly on the arm to lighten up the mood.

When Oliver called for him, Constantine knew it was something important. He was no stranger to death and the possibility of avoiding it, he had done so with Chad after all, but this... this was different.

Barry Allen die with a cursed dagger embedded in his chest. The weapon killed his body, but the curse plunged his soul into darkness, tearing it to pieces, shattering it in more fragments than the stars, and no matter how hard John tried he couldn't set it back together, not own his own at least.

The woman who was responsible for Barry's death was the one who offered a mock of a solution, one curse for another. The powerful dark magic she handed him over, written in blood in an ancient scroll combined with the power of that goddamn pit would bring Barry back to life but in exchange it would bring darkness upon them.

That nutjob of an assassin didn't know what she was doing, she thought her so called solution will kill Oliver and bring power to her or some bullshit like that. This was the reason Constantine firmly believe angels thought humans were stupid, most of them had no idea what they were doing, like this Nyssa.

No, Constantine was not doing the shitty dark spell as it was written, he was mad but he wasn't stupid. Instead he was going to try and hold the pieces of Barry's soul together, so it would heal in time... the tricky part? He required another soul to do it, the work around he didn't like? Oliver volunteered his own.

Most of Oliver's soul ended up in Barry, holding the pieces of the fallen young like a blanket, functioning as a crutch to allow it to heal. The problem? The darkness that still came nested in Oliver, making what was left of his light diminish.

Oliver faded, Al Sah-him raised and Barry... well, no one is ever the same when coming back from the death.

He was not soulless, but he was not whole either. He was Barry but he wasn't at the same time. There was darkness in him, surrounding the light that was so bright it blinded everyone that could see it, he was something else, something not entirely human. Constantine could see the universe behind Barry's eyes and he wondered if an angel dared to ignited such light, before it was brought back to the land of the living.

It was a bittersweet victory; Barry was alive and shinning while Oliver stood in darkness, opposites, yet united.

"If you re-grow the pieces of your soul, the ones missing, so it can hold together on its own, then I can disperse the darkness by restore Oliver's to his body." Constantine explained, "In theory it should work... in practice, well..."

Barry looked at him with narrowed eyes, "How do you even re-grow a soul?"

"That's the tricky part... have you ever heard the concept of alternative universes?

You have to make yourself archive happiness, literally yourself. Once that piece of your soul shines in another universe, it will echo in all of them, restoring it if it was lost in any of them, because the soul, no matter the universe, resonates as the same."

He had to jump dimensions, reach himself in other time and place, bring light into his life to repair his own damage soul, so one day he could restore Oliver's.

"Oh."

Constantine smiled sympathetically at him, "So... it's only a theory."

Barry licked his lips and a grin adorned his face, "Well, as a scientist, I should put it in practice."

\----------

_His speed was gone, but he was still not entirely human._

_"Something's happening to me," he was clutching his chest, the phantom pain of the dagger suffocating him, "It burns..."_

_Oliver was more Al Sah-him each day, firm and constant. He refused the marry Nyssa and to only time Ra's al Ghul thought of forcing him, Oliver was quick to make clear that he was going to kill her instead._

_"The blood line must be preserved," Ra's al Ghul protested and Oliver – Al Sah-him – laughed._

_"I don't care, I have all the power I need in him," Barry looked up, smirking at Ra's al Ghul, "That blinding light... its more than enough."_

_"You dare—"_

_"I am the Heir to the Demon. I battle and survived you. I carry the darkness and I wield the light," his voice roared in the palace, "I don't need or care for your daughter and if you or her raise a hand against me or mine, I'll see her chock on her own blood."_

_Ra's al Ghul was angry yet impressed, because he knew it was true. Oliver was almost gone, Al Sah-him had pure, intense darkness in him and that young man, that boy... he was a very powerful light bound to Al Sah-him._

_"Train him," Ra's al Ghul demanded, "For he should be one of us."_

_Barry closed his eyes, he had to be strong, and he had to endure._

_He had to survive, so he could live again._

\----------

_He bent the light, the power and that unnatural thing in him until he was able to rip apart reality._

_"Wow," he couldn't believe it, he was actually rearranging reality, moving things from one point to another, this was incredibly._

_Oliver smiled._

\----------

Constantine got him a spell and Barry's new abilities made it work, twisting reality until he ripped it to the point of transcending to another world.

He felt something echoing inside him upon arriving to the first reality where Oliver was still Oliver and his own soul was not shattered.

"Let's get to work."

It took him sometime to find himself, still a freshman in college, and some more time to find Oliver, reckless and all over the place. Pushing them together was... interesting to say at least.

It was in the visit to that first alternate reality when he named himself Flashpoint and boy he was a fun criminal, it almost made the entire thing bearable.

It took weeks, far too long, but when he finally, finally, got his other self and the Oliver from his world together, something inside him felt warm and safe as piece of his soul was restore.

One down, a universe to go.

\----------

"Oh we can beat them, forever and ever..." He sang softly before kissing Oliver's ear. "Then we could be heroes, just for one day..."

Oliver held him, one hand on his waist, another on his hair and kissed him fiercely, stealing the air from his lungs in a far too dominating kiss, the darkness inside him claiming the light in the younger man.

He held Barry against the mattress, his eyes on his, panting.

"I'm not a hero, Barry..." he said between kisses, "Neither are you... not anymore."

Barry knew what he was, what he became, but it didn’t matter, because it was not permanent, it seems like it was but he knew it could change. It was the secret he shared with Constantine, who always covered for him in his jumps. He was helping him in this mission, so one day they will succeed in fixing their lives.

Someday, he would save his Oliver, he had to believe that.

He trusted into him with a soft moan, nails trailing his back and he spoke, light and almost happy.

"But we could be."

He felt him smiling against his neck, as if the very idea amused him.

"Perhaps."

It took him twenty jumps, twenty painful reminders that in other realities he was truly happy and in half of those he was with Oliver. It took twenty restored shards of his soul to get to this point, to get Oliver to bleed though Al Sah-him, and it was worth it. Barry said no more, it was enough for now and oh he had missed this feeling, this hope.

 _But we could be safer, just for one day_  
_Oh-oh-oh-ohh, oh-oh-oh-ohh, just for one day_


End file.
